White Horse: A My Immortal Parody
by RasberryHiyata
Summary: This is a story about Ivory Bright'ness Angelica Dove Swift, and she is a prep that goes to Hogwarts. This is pretty much a 'Prep' version of My Immortal.
1. Chapters 1 through 3

Chapter 1.

AN: Ok, everybody. Before you all start fareking out I must tell you that this is a PARODY! A My Immortal parody. So yeah. This is the "Prepz" version of My immortal. I'm only editing a few things to fit my theme of being 'Preppy' I'm going to leave the typo's though.

Hi my name is Ivory Bright'ness Angelica Dove Swift and I , like, have short platinum blonde hair (that's how I got my name) with pink streaks and baby blue tips that are totally in cute little pigtails and choclate brown eyes like scrumptious Hershey kisses and a lot of people tell me I look like Hilary Duff! I'm, like, not related to Taylor Swigt but I wish I was because she's, like, so cool! I'm like, totally, a cute fluffy werewolf but my teeth are straight and white! I have pale white skin! I'm, like, also a witch, and I, like, go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm totally in the seventh year (I'm seventeen)! I'm totally prep(in case you couldn't tell) and I like wear mostly pink! I love Abrecombie & Finch and I totally buy all my clothes from there! For example today I was, like, wearing a baby blue blazer with a cute matching pink tie and a pink, yellow laced, miniskirt, bright yellow purse and pink and blue boots! I was wearing no make up, because I was, like, so beautiful, exept for a little cover on a small zit on my forehead (SEE I'm NOT PERFECT!!I"MNOT A MARY SUE)! I was , like, walking outside Hogwarts! It was snowing and bright and sunny so there was, like, a lot of sun, which I was, like very happy about! A lot of goffs stared at me! I put up a delicious blowpop at them!

"Hey Ivory!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"Like, what's up Draco?" I asked!

"Nothing." he said shyly!

But then, I , like, heard my friends call me and I had to go away!

Chapter 2.

The next day I ,like, woke up in my cute bedroom! It was snowing and bright again! I ,like, opened the pink curtain of my bed and totally drank some lemonade from a bottle I had! My bed was, like, white ivory and inside it was totally baby yellow velvet with baby blue lace on the ends! I, like, got out of my bed and took of my giant Hannah Montana t-shirt which I totally used for pajamas! Instead, I, like, put on a pink cotton dress, a bedazzled cross necklace, fluffy boots and adorable fingerless gloves on! I like put on fake but cute glasses, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun!

My friend, Willow, like, woke up then and totally grinned at me! She flipped her long waist-length canary blonde hair with baby blue streaks and opened her lime-green eyes! She put on her Zac Efron t-shirt with a white mini, arm warmers and pointy high-heeled boots! We didn't put any makeup on because we wer e just that cute an preppeh!

"OMFG, I, like, totally saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly!

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing!

"Do you,like, like Draco?" she asked as we totally went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall!

"No I so fudgie don't!" I shouted!

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco totally walked up to me!

"Hi." he said!

"Hi." I replied cutely!

"Guess what." he said!

"What?" I asked!

"Well, Taylor Swift is having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me!

"Oh. My. Fudgie. Gosh!" I screamed! I love TS! She is my favorite singer, besides HM!

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked!

I gasped!

Chapter 3.

On the night of the concert I, like, put on my pink lace-up boots with high heels! Underneath them were ,like, adorable white tights! Then I totally put on a babyblue cotton minidress with all this sparkly stuff on the back and front! I totally put on matching elbow length gloves on my arms! I totally curled my hair and made it look all fluffy! I felt a little bublicious then, so I squezzed one of my cayuute teddybears! I like read a romantiful book while I like waited for it to reinflate and I like listened to some HM! I totally painted my nails baby pink and put on no makeup (Cause Ahm jus beautiful like that, UNLIKE EBONY MAH COUSIN!!!)! Then I totally put on some sparkly yellow lipstick! I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway! I drank some sugar water so I was totally ready to go to the concert!

I like went outside! Draco was totally waiting there in front of his flying pony! He was like wearing a Demi Levado t-shirt (she would play at the show too), perfectly fitting bright blue hollister pants, pink nail polish and like a little eyeliner!

"Like, Hi Draco!" I said in a bubbly voice!

"Like, Hi Ivory." he said back! We like walked into his flying pink pony (the license plate said 333) and totallty flew to the place with the concert! On the way we totally listened excitedly to Jordin Sparks and David Archuletta! We both totally prayed and gossiped! When we like got there, we both totally hopped out of the car! We like went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and totally jumped up and down as we listened to Taylor Swift!

"But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts  
She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the Bleachers  
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find  
That what your looking for has been here the whole time!" sang Taylor (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song)!

"Like, Taylor is so fudgie coo." I said to Draco, totallyu pointing to her as she sung, filling the club with her amazing voice!

Suddenly Draco looked blessed.

"Like, What's wrong?" I asked as we totally moshed to the music! Then I like caught on!

"Like, Hey, it's ok I don't like her better than YOU!" I said!

"Like, totally?" asked Draco sensitively and he totally put his arm around me all protective!

"Totally." I said! "Besides I like don't even know Taylor and she's like going out with John fudgie Mayer! I fudging hate that little banana!" I said disgustedly, thinking of his ugly tattooed face!

The night like totally went on really well, and I totally had a great time! So did Draco! After the concert, we like drank some kool-aid and asked Taylor and Demi for their autographs and photos with them! We like totally got Jonas Borther concert tees! Draco and I like crawled back into the pony, but Draco didn't like go back into Hogwarts, like instead he drove the car into……………………… the likie Forbidden Forest!


	2. Chapters 4 through 6

Chapter 4.

"DRACO!" I, like, shouted! "What the fudgoe do you, like, think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he,like, totally stopped the flying pony and he walked out of it! I totally walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fudge buckets ham?" I, totally asked angrily!

"Ivory?" he,like, asked!

"What?" I,like, snapped!

Draco,like, totally leaned in extra-close and I,like, looked into his preppy magenta eyes (he was totally wearing color contacts) which,like, revealed so much blessful joy and goodness and then suddenly I totally didn't feel mad anymore!

And then…………… suddenly just as I,like, Draco whipped out a bible me passionately! Draco like climbed on top of me and we totally started to read Genesis keenly against a tree! He took of my cross and I,like, took of his highlighter! I even took out my bible! Then he like put his highlighter into my you-know-what and we totally did it for the first time!

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed! I was like beginning to get an orgasm. We started to highlight everywhere and my pale bible became all warm! And then….

"WHAT THE HAM ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUDGLEYS!"

It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!

Chapter 5.

Dumbledore made and Draco and I like totally follow him! He kept shouting at us joyously!

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted!

I litke totally started to cry tears of happiness down my like pallid face! Draco totally comforted me! When we like went back to the castle Dumbledore like took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very blissful!

"They were having biblical intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a perky voice!

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall!

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape!

And then Draco like totally shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was totally quiet! Dumbledore and like Professor McGonagall still looked pleased but Professor Snape totally said! "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Draco and I like went upstairs while the teachers totally grinned at us!

"Are you okay, Ivory?" Draco asked totally me gently!

"Yeah I guess." I be honest! I like went to the girl's dorm and totally brushed my teeth and like my hair and totally changed into a turtle neck pink and sparkly floor-length dress with like white lace all around it and like baby blue high heels! When I like came out….

Draco was totally standing in front of the bathroom, and he like started to sing 'Love Bug' by Jonas Brothers! I was like so totally flattered, even though he so totally wasn't supposed to like be there! We totally hugged and prayed! After that, we like said goodnight and he like reluctantly went back into his room!

Chapter 6.

The next day I like woke up in my bed! I like put on a yellow miniskirt that was like all laced with white around the end and like a matching top with hello pandas totally all over it and high heeled boots that were totally pink! I put on two pairs of cayuute froggy earrings, and like two crosses in on my chain bracelet! I totally spray-painted my hair with neon pink!

In the Great Hall, I like totally ate some strawberry wheaties cereal with like sugar water instead of like milk, and a glass of like sugar water! Suddenly someone totally bumped into me! All the like sugar water taotally spilled over my like top!

"Banana!" I shouted angrily! I totally regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was like looking into the tanned white face of a preppy boy with like spiky blonde hair with like lime green streaks in it! He was like wearing so much eyeliner that I was like going down his face and he was wearing sparkly pink lipstick! He totally didn't have glasses anymore and now he was like wearing baby blue contact lenses just like Draco's and there was like no scar on his forhead anymore! He like tooootally had a heheh manly stubble on his like chin! He like had a holy English accent! He like looked exactly like Joe Jonas! He was like so holy that my body totally went all hot when I like saw him kind of like an erection only I'm like a Christian/catholic girl so I didn't get one you like sicko!

"I'm like so sorry." He totally said in a shy voice!

"That's like all right. Like, What's your name?" I questioned!

"My name's like Harry Potter, although most people like call me Werewolf these days." He totally grumbled!

"Why?" I exclaimed!

"Because I totally love the taste of raw turkey." He totally giggled!

"Well, I am like a werewolf." I like totally confessed!

"Like, Really?" he whimpered!

"Like duh." I like roared!

We like sat down to talk for a while! Then Draco totally came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for like me so I totally went away with him!


	3. Chapters 7 through 9

Chapter 7.

Draco and I, like, held our tanned white hands with baby blue nail polish as we, liek, went upstairs. I was, like, wearing rpink Christian sings on my nails in yellow nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Werewolf. Bright pleasure was, like, in his stimulated eyes. I guess he was, like, totally jealous of me that I was, like, going out with Draco. Anyway, I, like went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We totally went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started, like, praising the lord passively and we totally took off each others highlighter tops enthusiastically. He felt my leather bible before I like, totally took of my book cover. Then I like, totally took off my pink bra and he totally took off his pants. We went on the bed and started reading Exodus naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD XURCH! (c is dat stupid?)

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I totally had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was like, you know, a yellow heart with an flower through it. On it in clean modern writing were the words…Werewolf!

I was like, you know, so calm.

"Like, duh! You banana!" I shouted calmly, jumping out of the bed.

"No! Like, oh my gawd! No! Like, oh my gawd! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fudio idiot!" I shouted. "Like, duh! You probably totally have HERPES anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was like, you know, in his powerpuffgirl briefs. Like, he totally had a totally big you-know-what but I was like, you know, too chill to care. I stomped out and did so until I was like, you know, in Werewolf's classroom where he was like, you know, having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other shoppers.

"WEREWOFL POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUDGER!" I yelled.

Chapter 8.

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was like, you know, IN HISpower puff girl briefs and started begging me to take him back.

"Ivory, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed happily.

My friend Praiseworthy Karen Jonson smiled at me understatedly. Like, she flipped her long waste-length preptastic blonde hair and opened her sky blue eyes like salt water taffy that she was like, you know, wearing contact lenses on. Like, she totally had tanned white skin that she was like, you know, wearing no makeup on. Hermione was like, you know, kidnapped when she was like, you know, born. Her real parents are werewolfves and one of them is totally a witch but Voldemort hosed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was like, you know, joyous like, you know, about it. Like, she still totally has beautiful dreams like, you know, about it and she is totally very left alone and comforted. It also turns out her real last name is totally Jonson and not Granger. (Since she totally has converted to Christianity she is totally in Hufflepuff now not Griffindoor. )

"What is totally it that you desire, you ridiculous genius!" Snape demeaned joyously in his warm voice but I ignored him.

"Werewolf, I can't believe you joined on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ivory was like, you know, so calm at me. I totally had went out wit Werweolf (I'm bi and so is totally Ivory) for a while but then he fixed my heart. Like, he got with me because he liked Britney, a mondo geekmo gothic fudger. We were just baketastic' friends now. Like, he totally had gone through wonderful problems, and now he was like, you know, preppy. (Haha, like I would hang out with a goth.)

"But I'm going out with Draco!" said Werewolf.

"Yeah fdging right! Like, oh my lawd! Fudge off, you banana!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I totally had found my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.

Chapter 9.

I was like, you know, so calm and happy. I couldn't believe Draco for joining on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible dork with baby blue eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! Like, oh my gawd! Like, he didn't totally have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was like, you know, wearing all white but it was like, you know, obvious he wasn't preppy. It was… Voldemort!

"No!" I shouted in a reassured voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to flail. I felt grody to the max for him even though I'm a masochist so I kept going.

"Ivory." he yelled. "Thou must hose Werwp;f Potter!"

I thought like, you know, about Werewolf and his hly eyes and his preppy blonde hair and how his face looks just like Tom Cruise. I remembered that Draco totally had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Werewolf before I went out with him and they staued tpgetjher?

"Yes, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a water gun. "Yes! Like, oh my gawd! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou totally does not, then I shall hose thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered charitably. "Like, gag me with a spoon! And if you doth not hose Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted Like, then he flew away calmly on his broomstick.

I was like, you know, so calm and joyous I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was like, you know, all calm. Like, he was like, you know, wearing no foundation and no messy eyeliner kind of like a cross (geddit) between Tom Cruise and Taylor Swift.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes." he answered.

"I'm not sorry I got all calm at you but I thought you joined on me." I expelled.

"That's not okay." he said all happy and like we went back into Hogwarts together quoting Leviticus.


End file.
